It goes like this:
Trade talks, a prediction:Read the rest through the link at the beginning of this article...
UK - We don't like our deal
EU - Why not?
UK - We only get 95% of what we want
EU - It only gives us 95% too
UK - We want a new deal that gives us 100% of what we want
EU - But that means we only get 90% of what we want
UK - Yes, but we don't care. We hate you.
EU - Bit rude
UK - We elected people to go to your meetings specifically to say we hate you
EU - We noticed
UK - So we want a new deal, and we want the deal in 11 months or we cancel our existing deal
EU - Wait.. what?
UK - We've put it into law: you give us 100% of what we want in 11 months, or we walk away with 0% of what we want
EU - Erm... suits us!
UK - Wait, what?
EU - Perfect, do it. Ealk away
UK - No, hold on, wait: you have to negotiate, so Boris can win
EU - Why? Right now you have 95% of perfect and we have 95% of perfect. If we negotiate, you get 100% and we get 90%.
UK - That's right
EU - But if we don't negotiate, we still have 95%... and you have 0%
UK - But... no, you're not meant to say that
EU - And if we don't have a deal, we don't have to put up with you sending people to our meetings to say you hate us
UK - The Daily Mail made us do it and then ran away!
EU - So we'll just sit it out for 11 months
UK - Fine, we'll go and make a great deal with the US
US - Yo suckers
UK - Could we have a trade deal please, sir?
US - Sure thing. We want 100% of everything, plus 51% controlling share in the NHS, and you get, let's see... 60% of what you have now
UK - Not good enough
US - Bye
UK - What?
US - Bye. Talks are over. Bye
UK - But we haven't got a deal!
US - We are 26% of world trade, making deals with EU (20%) and China (17%). We don't need your 1.8%.
UK - But we really need a deal, the EU outsmarted us
US - We know. Some of us can read. Not Trump, obviously, but the rest of us. Try India